Witty quotes about men dating

26-Aug-2017 22:58

Peter"It's better to have loved and lost than to do 40 pounds of laundry a week."Henry Youngman"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage.We take the time to go to a restaurant two times a week.Funny situations occur when you have complicated relationships.Look around you, and you'll see that chaotic relationship sometimes lead to amusing situations.That’s why we compiled this list of our favorite sex quotes of all time. Right after sex, I usually say, ‘I can’t do this anymore. ’” –– Vince Vaughn “It’s been so long since I’ve had sex I’ve forgotten who ties up whom.” –– Joan Rivers “If you want to get laid, go to college. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." ― Mae West "We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation." ― Lily Tomlin "If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you." ― Dorothy Parker "Usually I'm on top to keep the guy from escaping." — Lisa Lampanelli "In my sex fantasy, nobody ever loves me for my mind." — Nora Ephron "I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people." — Chelsea Handler "Women fake orgasms and men fake finances." ― Suze Orman "My boyfriend and I live together, which means we don't have sex—ever. I’m looking for “The One.” And I’ll find her more quickly if I audition two at a time.” –– Russell Brand “Publishing a sophisticated men’s magazine seemed to me the best possible way of fulfilling a dream I’d been nurturing ever since I was a teenager: to get laid a lot.” –– Hugh Hefner “Skiing is better than sex actually, because for me a good round of sex might be seven minutes.When I sit next to someone at a dinner party I can see they expect me to be quick and witty, and I'm not at all.

Casper Smart Such is the nature of men, that howsoever they may acknowledge many others to be more witty, or more eloquent, or more learned; yet they will hardly believe there be many so wise as themselves.

Allan Sherman Today there are millions of people making stuff and putting it into the world: that's become part of our identity and it shouldn't be limited to people who fancy themselves writers, or who are particularly witty or talented.

David Karp I often feel I'm a disappointment to people because they expect me to be the guy in the books.

Revenge."Rita Rudner"When I want to end a relationship I just say, "You know, I love you. I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks."Brendan Francis"A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him."Jim Bishop"Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla."Albert Einstein"Women marry men hoping they will change.

We love to have it, we love to think about it, and we love to talk about it. From poets to comedians, from business people to artists, sex is a topic that everyone can get excited about. Now that the milk is free, we've both become lactose intolerant." — Margaret Cho “I like threesomes with two women, not because I’m a cynical sexual predator. Skiing you can do for seven hours.” –– Spalding Gray “If I’m not interested in a woman, I’m straight-forward.

If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery."Frederick Ryder"When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky.